Tag Archives: imperfect

imperfectly me

As I have been doing a lot of work this Summer in finding myself thanks to some amazing coaching from Gabrielle Treanor, I thought I would take some time to introduce myself and share the beginning of my self-discovery journey. I’m imperfectly me and am learning to love that!

I’m 47-years old. I didn’t find the love of my life until I was 34 years old and I had to cross an ocean to do it. It was definitely worth it as I have an imperfectly happy life, a supportive husband, two amazing children and two energetic rescue dogs. I have spent the last 10 years working as a blogger and social media manager which fits perfectly around the lives of our family members. My children are now 10 and 6 and in some ways need me more now that when they were little. It’s a different need though and one that generally involves me driving them to their activities and waiting for them to finish.

I’ve had a plethora of health challenges since becoming a mother: 2 Caesarian sections, Post Natal Depression, abdominal surgery, two knee replacement surgeries and asthma and Coeliac disease to name a few. I’m also at that amazing stage in every woman’s life that we try not to speak of…THE MENOPAUSE. According to various blood tests, the medical experts say that I am not pre-menopausal but I know I am. And what a wealth of new challenges that presents! Following a recent appointment with the rather disinterested (and male) GP, I am now the recipient of a Fluoxetine prescription (aka Prozac) which he prescribed partially to help my pre-menopausal symptoms.

Through my coaching sessions with Gabrielle, I have been taking a really good look at me and who I have become. I have realised that a lot of my happiness often comes from outside sources. I love acknowledgement from others yet I find it difficult to champion myself from the inside out. I spend a lot of time trying to please everyone else in the world and often forget about myself. I am learning that my needs are equally as important as the other members of my family and that making and more importantly TAKING time for myself is crucial to my wellbeing.

I feel quite sparkly inside and generally gravitate to glittery and colourful things (stationary, magazines, decorative items) yet I find myself forever dressed in dark colours. I have said before that if I could cut out my torso I would feel much more confident about my physical self. Since having children my body has changed dramatically and although I should be proud of what my body has accomplished I still tend to hide myself as much as possible. Yet, I love speaking to people, presenting in front of crowds, teaching and talking in general so I am not afraid to put myself out there. I have had a pretty prolific social media presence for the last 6 years and regularly share the snapshots of our life but I don’t always feature in those snaps. If I am in them, it’s usually from the neck up!

What I mainly want to communicate through this post is that in spite of physical and mental challenges, I am happy. Imperfectly happy but happy nonetheless. What I want to share is that perfection should never be the goal. Talking about our issues, sharing our concerns, not being okay and telling someone that you aren’t is the key. Struggling with the changes of the female body and fighting to have your voice heard by medical professionals is important. Allowing yourself to have a down day, to retreat to a safe place, to reach out for help and love is crucial to imperfect happiness. I find it refreshing when people tell the truth. In this age of “influencers” and Insta-everything I would rather see an imperfect photo and an honest recount of a difficult day than perfectly crafted and staged nonsense that’s bought and paid for. And that’s what I am trying to get back to. Reality isn’t always pretty. While I am most definitely embracing happy, I can’t be happy all of the time. No one can. Even Oprah has bad days occasionally!

My goal now is to continue to work on me, to share my journey honestly and do my best to help others to find their own versions of imperfect happiness. I hope you will stay with me on the journey!

Imperfectly Happy

In 2014, after a lifetime of looking at the world through dark sunglasses and generally adopting a “glass half-empty” approach to life, I decided enough was enough. It was time to Embrace Happy! I actually came up with that name in a discussion with my husband when I asked him to “Calm down and embrace happy!” My happiness journey began with a challenge to find three good things in every day for 21 days. I relished the opportunity to look at my day differently, to find the good in each and every day and to document that. I continued beyond the 21 days in fact! I actually got to 1000 days and then carried beyond that with a slightly different Gratitude Practice which I have kept up to this day…4 1/2 years later. A Gratitude Practice allowed me to appreciate that even though not every day was good there was good in every day. I slowed down, began to appreciate the little things more and I found that I was calmer, happier and more patient. It was a welcome change for me, for my husband, for my children.

I knew that I could do more with Embrace Happy. I wanted to help others. I wanted to make a difference. I created a website, a Facebook page, a closed Facebook group, a Snail Mail Group. I started volunteering my time with my children’s school to help children to Embrace Happy. I started doing Yoga, walking, breathing. I opened my eyes and heart to the ideas of “woo woo” with mindfulness, meditation, the law of attraction and believing that the Universe did indeed have my back. I trained with Relax Kids to learn more about working with children to help them deal with stress, anxiety and difficult emotions and became a Relax Kids coach/teacher. I focussed on the good, celebrated that good and did my best to share my good with the world around me. My goal was to make my corner of the world a happy, kind and nurturing place.

But none of it was perfect. I was spreading the Embrace Happy message but I struggled myself. And I felt that I couldn’t be 100% honest about those struggles. I was Embrace Happy for goodness sake! I couldn’t be sad or depressed! I couldn’t be raging about pointless things! I had to shine and radiate sparkle as much as possible. And for a while, that worked. And then it didn’t. I have so much baggage that I am working through…deep rooted challenges that I am working to pick apart. But I believe in happiness. It’s just that I’m imperfectly happy. I have days that are sad. I have times where I have lost all motivation. I have anger and resentment that I never let out. I worry and ruminate about all the “What if’s?” I am approaching THAT STAGE in my reproductive life…THE MENOPAUSE. My hormones are all over the place. And I am currently on anti-depressants. Imperfect. Happy. Imperfectly happy.

It’s time to let Embrace Happy fade away a bit…I still do embrace happy regularly but what I need to be now is HONEST. Imperfect. Happy. Sad. Angry. Depressed. Accepting. Loving. I want to share my imperfectly happy journey and I hope you will enjoy the ride. I plan to take imperfectly happy farther, when I figure out just what that is! In the meantime, I am going to write. Be honest. And hopefully you may be able to relate? Let me know your thoughts, leave a comment, subscribe to my mailing list (in the sidebar) and let’s see what happens. Imperfectly happy…I like the sound of it.